Pandemic thinking....

I just came across writing I'd done during the "Pandemia". Actually from June 2021, when there were restrictions back on.

5 de June 2021

I’m tired of questioning myself about not being able to be alone or feeling sorry for myself because I have been alone. Sebas said it was that I couldn't stand my empty moments and being with myself.

I resented that. Because I love being alone. I like my alone time when I can sit down and write and be with myself. It's true that I’m almost never quiet. I have a constant conversation with myself. My mind is always trying to solve problems and come up with solutions to various things: that formula on the spreadsheet I couldn’t quite make up, what furniture I’ve got to buy, and where can I find the best quality and the cheapest - where can i not be robbed as practically everyone in Argentina charges ridiculous amounts for absolutely anything that has two wooden legs or a cushion - or what should I buy this month that I have been procrastination because of my time being consumed by work or distractions. The lockdown made matters worse. Lots of time with myself. And lots of Whatsapp check-in time. Just to feel I am not being forgotten by my friends.

In the morning it dawned on me that it's not that I don’t like being by myself- I do love it - however I love so much sharing with people, laughter and the energy flow that goes on at gatherings, much more than spending time alone. If I had too much of one, I would be missing the other. And I’ve had too much time with myself this lockdown. I need the right balance of both in order to feel myself.